So, you think you want to elope? Eloping has been around for centuries (the root of the word comes from the Anglo-French word aloper, meaning “to leap”) and we’ve watched it transform from a secretive (sometimes scandalous) escape to a modern day intentional and intimate choice for a small or destination-based wedding.
In recent years we saw the rise of the micro-wedding. So, it’s important to establish what is and is not an elopement. Elopements are typically a vow ceremony with less than four guests. The couple might throw a party or host a dinner for family and friends at a later point, but there is no reception.
Meanwhile something a micro-wedding, which surged in popularity during the crowd-gathering limits during and after COVID, is a compromise between the privacy of an elopement and the production of a full wedding. Typically, micro-weddings have around 50 guests or less and still contain all the traditional aspects of a wedding. A bridal party, a full ceremony, first dances, a reception, cake cutting etc. Think about everything you usually see at a wedding, just on a smaller scale.
But this guide is for elopements. And despite the much smaller size, elopements still take planning and can be as simple or as extravagant as a couple wants. There are many different types, from a courthouse wedding to jet-setting to a romantic destination, but regardless of whether you’re thinking about eloping or having already decided, here are a few things you should consider as you plan.
IS ELOPING FOR YOU?
Couples tend to elope for a few different reasons. It’s nice to plan a ceremony that doesn’t have to consider any else’s feelings or input. Christine McFarlane, owner and lead planner of Christine McFarlane Events, has seen couples elope without a single guest.
“They really just want it to be solely around the two of them, not feeling like they have expectations they need to live up to,” she says.
Another reason might be because big traditional weddings cost a lot of money. Eloping lets couples celebrate on a much smaller budget. (Sometimes because that’s what they have, other times they want to allot money towards buying a home, paying off loans, or taking an epic trip.)
McFarlane says with a lower guest count, cost will obviously go down. “A larger guest count has a higher price point, and of course, a larger production is needed when having multiple guests in attendance,” McFarlane says.
But don’t let that fool you into thinking elopements are cheap or not fancy. There is just more wiggle room for a couple to decide.
Elopements can range from the courthouse to a destination abroad, all which come with their own associated costs. Couples should still keep a budget in mind and decide together what they’d like to prioritize during the elopement and put funds towards those things—after all, your opinions matter the most.
WHERE DO YOU WANT TO ELOPE?
Your elopement location can be as easy as walking into the courthouse or can take you abroad to the side of a mountain at sunset with a live harp player. Heather St. Clair, owner of Avenue Events, a wedding and event planning business, says that like all weddings, it truly depends on what couples want.
“You can make an elopement as complicated as you want it to be,” she jokes.
Couples have some easy-to-think-of-options right off the bat. Do you want to get married at the courthouse? Somewhere in driving distance? Do you want to travel? Go abroad? If you’re eloping to save on costs then a trip to Italy might not be in the cards, but if the point is for you as newlyweds to spend time together away from the world, spending it in another country might sound perfect. This is all in the interest of taking away the stress of the wedding day production, leaving just the joyful event of getting married. Choose somewhere you’ll love yes, but don’t wrap yourself up in it being the best, most beautiful spot. It will become the best spot because it is where you got married.
Regardless of where you want to get married, you’ll have to check a few things first to make sure you can actually, legally, get married.
WHAT PERMITS DO YOU NEED AND HOW DOES THE MARRIAGE LICENSE WORK?
In the United State, where you physically get married is where you need a marriage license, and county or state rules can impact what you need to do to get the license in the first place.
For example, in Baltimore County you have to apply in person for the marriage license, and it’s only active for six months after you receive it. Civil ceremonies can be held at the courthouse at limited hours Monday through Friday for a $25 fee, with a maximum of seven people in attendance. So, make sure you research the laws in the state you are considering getting married in.
Meanwhile, if you want to go abroad, you have a few options. Jessica Jenelle, owner and lead planner of Jessica J. Events, has planned many destination elopements. Couples will mainly hire a wedding planner for an elopement if they’re traveling, smaller local ones, not so much. She often sees couples choose to get legally married at home before they fly out for the vow ceremony to avoid any legal issues.
She also stresses the importance of getting a park permit if you want to elope in a state or national park. Most have some cost associated with them and need to be applied for in advance. In other words, despite the laissez faire nature of elopements you do need to do some research.
DO YOU NEED VENDORS FOR AN ELOPEMENT?
The non-negotiable vendor is your officiant. If you aren’t doing a courthouse wedding, you still need to organize who is going to marry you and your partner. This is another area to check local laws, in states like Maryland practically anyone can be ordained online, whereas in Virginia there are more restrictions on who can marry people.
That’s really it for a bare bone’s elopement, but there are several other vendors to consider. Just remember it’s all about what you want for your elopement.
Other key vendors are photographers—just because you’re eloping doesn’t mean you don’t want to preserve the moment—videographers, hair and makeup, and maybe a florist for a bouquet or boutonniere. Just keep in mind that if you want to elope in Spain but are hiring a photographer based in Maryland, you’ll have to pay for their travel expenses.
Lexie Mueller, who works for Avenue Events, also suggested working with a travel agency for destination elopements. That way you have someone local to the area who can source permits or even scout the location ahead of time to look out for any possible hiccups.
WHAT ARE YOU WEARING? AND HOW DO YOU GET IT THERE?
Imagine, a cliffside wedding at sunset overlooking rolling countryside where you and your partner are framed against the sky, staring into each other’s eyes as you say, ‘I do’.
Now imagine the trail’s parking lot, a thirty-minute hike down the mountaintop with tree branches that aren’t cut back all the way and rocks that make walking in any type of formal shoe a one-way ticket to the ER with a sprained ankle. On your wedding day.
Luckily this is an easy thing to plan for. If it’s a walk to your elopement location from the nearest car-access point, bring good walking shoes. On top of that, consider putting your wedding attire in a garment bag and doing a quick-change once you actually get to the spot. (A bedsheet with a hole cut into it for your head makes a great changing tent if you still want a ballgown out in the wilderness.)
If you’re packing your wedding dress in a suitcase or even a garment bag, think about if you’ll need to steam it or if there’s a trusted dry cleaner nearby.
Also, anything goes when it comes to dressing for an elopement. That’s the beauty of eloping.
ARE THERE ANY LITTLE DETAILS I SHOULD BE THINKING ABOUT?
You won’t figure out every detail until you start planning, but there are a few things small things that almost every couple will run into that you can prepare yourself for. For outdoor elopements, always have a rain plan. Double, triple check any documents you need, especially if you’re going out of town or the country (the rings too!). If you’re going to have a few witnesses or vendors, make sure they know exactly where to meet you and if they also need to bring good shoes for walking.
But the most important thing to keep in mind is to be flexible. Whatever reason you’re eloping, this is a chance to embark on married life focused on you and your new spouse, regardless of what the day throws at you. Eloping still takes planning, but it’s a chance to truly spend your wedding day however you would like.
“I think there’s something really special about not having the big crowd and the big decorations,” Jenelle says. “And just having a love so strong that you’re still able to celebrate between the two of you.”
