At Maria and Jon Gagnon’s summer wedding at Kent Manor Inn, a historic waterfront venue on Maryland’s Eastern Shore, Michael Brooks was not only the father of the bride—he was also the master of ceremonies.
“Having my dad stand up there with us to officiate after walking me down the aisle was awesome,” recalls Maria of the family-focused ceremony that also included readings and advice from Maria’s mother and Jon’s aunt. “Family is very important to us, so we wanted to make it as special as we could by involving them,” she says.
Officiating his daughter’s wedding wasn’t Brooks’ first time leading a marriage ceremony. And after seeing him officiate for both Maria’s brother and cousin, the Timonium-based couple knew they wanted him to be their officiant, too.
“He’s very involved in our lives, so he had a lot of content to pull from,” Maria says of the ceremony. “He loves surprises, so he just kind of surprised us with the advice he was giving us. And he always has at least two jokes in his back pocket, so we knew it was going to be funny, too.”
With insights only a father could provide, the 20-minute ceremony set the tone for the rest of the celebration. “A lot of the people at the wedding knew my dad really well, so those special touches were so well received,” says Maria, who had 115 people in attendance at her wedding.
And Brooks impressed more than just family. “Kent Manor actually asked my dad if they could put him on their officiant list,” Maria says with a laugh.
Maria says finding someone who makes you feel comfortable—family or not—should be a top priority.
“You already have nerves as it is with weddings, so if it’s someone you have a bond with and have that trust with, it makes it so much easier when you’re standing up there,” she says. “That trust that someone is going to do your marriage justice is the biggest thing.”
When it comes to picking an officiant, there can be an overwhelming number of options—a county clerk, a clergy member you knew from childhood, or even a friend or relative ordained online.
Increasingly, couples are approaching the officiant like any other vendor and opting for one of the area’s growing number of professional wedding officiants who specialize in crafting custom ceremonies that weave together a couple’s unique cultures and love story.
“The ceremony used to be a bit of an afterthought and the party was the most important part of the day,” says Rev. Laura Cannon, who officiated her first wedding more than 18 years ago and who has grown her business, Ceremony Officiants, to more than 30 associates performing marriage ceremonies across the mid-Atlantic region. “Now I’d say that more couples are realizing that the party is just the kickoff of their marriage and paying attention to the commitment they’re making is more important.”
Professional officiants can guide couples through the best ways to combine cultural traditions or honor family. “Couples are looking for their officiant, whether it’s a professional or a friend, to really deliver something special to start their big day,” adds Cannon, who also leads SOUL Community Church, an Interfaith congregation in Columbia.
When picking an officiant, Cannon suggests couples think about how they want the ceremony to feel and the emotion they want to convey to their guests as they move on to the cocktail hour and reception. Keep that feeling in mind, she says, as you consider the best fit—and it shouldn’t necessarily be a friend or member of the family.
“A professional officiant is trained not only to write and deliver a great ceremony, but unlike a friend or family member, they have the experience to know how to work well with the team of other wedding professionals you hire,” Cannon says, noting they can also help handle any last-minute issues since chances are they’ve encountered them before. “In the same way that your cousin with a camera could take your wedding photos, your friend could perform your ceremony, but that doesn’t mean they should.”
For a marriage to be legal in Maryland, it must be performed by either an official of a religious order or body who is authorized by that body to perform a marriage ceremony (yes, that includes those ordained online through the Universal Life Church), a clerk or deputy clerk designated by the county circuit court, or a judge.
“What matters most is the paperwork,” says Cannon. “You need to get your marriage license in the county where you are getting married, not where you live.” In Maryland, the couple is responsible for obtaining the marriage license at least 48 hours before the wedding date (but no more than six months before).
Designate a responsible friend or family member with ensuring the marriage license arrives at the wedding. Then it’s up to the officiant to complete and submit the paperwork to the court.
Be sure to check the local regulations in the area where your wedding will take place. Neighboring areas, like D.C. and Virginia, have stricter rules about who can perform a marriage, requiring the officiant be recognized by or registered with the local court.
Like other key vendors, book your officiant as soon as you have a date confirmed. “The best officiants get booked quickly,” says Cannon, just like other wedding services that require a specific person. “Most couples book me at least nine months in advance, but many book me over a year out.”
And how much does a professional officiant cost? “Prices definitely vary, but couples can expect to pay anywhere from $650 to $1,200 for an experienced professional officiant,” Cannon says. Like photographers, newer or less in-demand officiants will often charge less.
And while traditional etiquette dictates that couples invite the officiant and their spouse or a guest to the reception, Cannon suggest an alternate route. “These days, couples often take the money they would have spent on their officiant’s meal at the reception and offer it to them as gratuity for their service instead,” she says. “Experienced professional officiants don’t typically attend the reception, nor do they expect to be invited.”
In fact, she suggests skipping the officiant’s invite to the rehearsal, too.
“This is one of the biggest misconceptions,” says Cannon. “You’re not practicing the ceremony itself, you’re practicing walking in and out. I’ve never had anyone fail to make it down the aisle because I wasn’t at their rehearsal.”
Rather than the officiant, she says, a venue manager, wedding coordinator, or even a well-organized friend can manage the wedding rehearsal, saving couples from paying an extra fee for the officiant to attend.
In the best-case scenario, finding the right professional officiant can still feel like a good friend is performing the marriage—but an expert friend who can help guide you through the process.
When Jillian and Devin Grande set up an interview with Cannon at the suggestion of a friend in the wedding industry, the couple says they “immediately clicked” with her.
“It felt like coming to a friend or family member’s home,” Jillian recalls of their meeting, where Cannon guided them through options for their ceremony originally planned for Sept. 19, 2020, at the Chesapeake Bay Beach Club on Kent Island. (Like many couples, they postponed the celebration, to Sept. 19, 2021, due to the pandemic.)
“When you have a more formal, religious ceremony, there are a lot of readings and rituals, but when you don’t have that structure, you wonder what you’re going to put in its place,” recalls Devin. Cannon suggested the “Blessing of the Hands,” written by Rev. Daniel L. Harris. It ended up being a highlight of the ceremony for Devin. “We thought that was perfect. It solidified so many things we were feeling at that moment, and gave us a peek into the future of things to look forward to. It was a really eloquent piece; you couldn’t help but smile as she was reading it.”
At Maria and Jon Gagnon’s summer wedding at Kent Manor Inn, a historic waterfront venue on Maryland’s Eastern Shore, Michael Brooks was not only the father of the bride—he was also the master of ceremonies.
“Having my dad stand up there with us to officiate after walking me down the aisle was awesome,” recalls Maria of the family-focused ceremony that also included readings and advice from Maria’s mother and Jon’s aunt. “Family is very important to us, so we wanted to make it as special as we could by involving them,” she says.
Officiating his daughter’s wedding wasn’t Brooks’ first time leading a marriage ceremony. And after seeing him officiate for both Maria’s brother and cousin, the Timonium-based couple knew they wanted him to be their officiant, too.
“He’s very involved in our lives, so he had a lot of content to pull from,” Maria says of the ceremony. “He loves surprises, so he just kind of surprised us with the advice he was giving us. And he always has at least two jokes in his back pocket, so we knew it was going to be funny, too.”
With insights only a father could provide, the 20-minute ceremony set the tone for the rest of the celebration. “A lot of the people at the wedding knew my dad really well, so those special touches were so well received,” says Maria, who had 115 people in attendance at her wedding.
And Brooks impressed more than just family. “Kent Manor actually asked my dad if they could put him on their officiant list,” Maria says with a laugh.
Maria says finding someone who makes you feel comfortable—family or not—should be a top priority.
“You already have nerves as it is with weddings, so if it’s someone you have a bond with and have that trust with, it makes it so much easier when you’re standing up there,” she says. “That trust that someone is going to do your marriage justice is the biggest thing.”
Professional officiants can guide couples through the best ways to combine cultural traditions or honor family.
When it comes to picking an officiant, there can be an overwhelming number of options—a county clerk, a clergy member you knew from childhood, or even a friend or relative ordained online.
Increasingly, couples are approaching the officiant like any other vendor and opting for one of the area’s growing number of professional wedding officiants who specialize in crafting custom ceremonies that weave together a couple’s unique cultures and love story.
“The ceremony used to be a bit of an afterthought and the party was the most important part of the day,” says Rev. Laura Cannon, who officiated her first wedding more than 18 years ago and who has grown her business, Ceremony Officiants, to more than 30 associates performing marriage ceremonies across the mid-Atlantic region. “Now I’d say that more couples are realizing that the party is just the kickoff of their marriage and paying attention to the commitment they’re making is more important.”
Professional officiants can guide couples through the best ways to combine cultural traditions or honor family. “Couples are looking for their officiant, whether it’s a professional or a friend, to really deliver something special to start their big day,” adds Cannon, who also leads SOUL Community Church, an Interfaith congregation in Columbia.
When picking an officiant, Cannon suggests couples think about how they want the ceremony to feel and the emotion they want to convey to their guests as they move on to the cocktail hour and reception. Keep that feeling in mind, she says, as you consider the best fit—and it shouldn’t necessarily be a friend or member of the family.
“A professional officiant is trained not only to write and deliver a great ceremony, but unlike a friend or family member, they have the experience to know how to work well with the team of other wedding professionals you hire,” Cannon says, noting they can also help handle any last-minute issues since chances are they’ve encountered them before. “In the same way that your cousin with a camera could take your wedding photos, your friend could perform your ceremony, but that doesn’t mean they should.”
For a marriage to be legal in Maryland, it must be performed by either an official of a religious order or body who is authorized by that body to perform a marriage ceremony (yes, that includes those ordained online through the Universal Life Church), a clerk or deputy clerk designated by the county circuit court, or a judge.
“What matters most is the paperwork,” says Cannon. “You need to get your marriage license in the county where you are getting married, not where you live.” In Maryland, the couple is responsible for obtaining the marriage license at least 48 hours before the wedding date (but no more than six months before).
Designate a responsible friend or family member with ensuring the marriage license arrives at the wedding. Then it’s up to the officiant to complete and submit the paperwork to the court.
Be sure to check the local regulations in the area where your wedding will take place. Neighboring areas, like D.C. and Virginia, have stricter rules about who can perform a marriage, requiring the officiant be recognized by or registered with the local court.
Like other key vendors, book your officiant as soon as you have a date confirmed. “The best officiants get booked quickly,” says Cannon, just like other wedding services that require a specific person. “Most couples book me at least nine months in advance, but many book me over a year out.”
And how much does a professional officiant cost? “Prices definitely vary, but couples can expect to pay anywhere from $650 to $1,200 for an experienced professional officiant,” Cannon says. Like photographers, newer or less in-demand officiants will often charge less.
And while traditional etiquette dictates that couples invite the officiant and their spouse or a guest to the reception, Cannon suggest an alternate route. “These days, couples often take the money they would have spent on their officiant’s meal at the reception and offer it to them as gratuity for their service instead,” she says. “Experienced professional officiants don’t typically attend the reception, nor do they expect to be invited.”
In fact, she suggests skipping the officiant’s invite to the rehearsal, too.
“This is one of the biggest misconceptions,” says Cannon. “You’re not practicing the ceremony itself, you’re practicing walking in and out. I’ve never had anyone fail to make it down the aisle because I wasn’t at their rehearsal.”
Rather than the officiant, she says, a venue manager, wedding coordinator, or even a well-organized friend can manage the wedding rehearsal, saving couples from paying an extra fee for the officiant to attend.
In the best-case scenario, finding the right professional officiant can still feel like a good friend is performing the marriage—but an expert friend who can help guide you through the process.
When Jillian and Devin Grande set up an interview with Cannon at the suggestion of a friend in the wedding industry, the couple says they “immediately clicked” with her.
“It felt like coming to a friend or family member’s home,” Jillian recalls of their meeting, where Cannon guided them through options for their ceremony originally planned for Sept. 19, 2020, at the Chesapeake Bay Beach Club on Kent Island. (Like many couples, they postponed the celebration, to Sept. 19, 2021, due to the pandemic.)
“When you have a more formal, religious ceremony, there are a lot of readings and rituals, but when you don’t have that structure, you wonder what you’re going to put in its place,” recalls Devin. Cannon suggested the “Blessing of the Hands,” written by Rev. Daniel L. Harris. It ended up being a highlight of the ceremony for Devin. “We thought that was perfect. It solidified so many things we were feeling at that moment, and gave us a peek into the future of things to look forward to. It was a really eloquent piece; you couldn’t help but smile as she was reading it.”
While they were writing their vows, Cannon’s guidance on where to start and what to include gave the college sweethearts confidence. “She was an amazing person to learn from and made us feel even more connected and loved as we went through the vow-writing process,” Jillian says. “She gave us some good tips on how to write those without losing the crowd but also making them meaningful.”
When the Grandes opted to elope on their original wedding date, with just their parents in attendance, Cannon supported them.
“We contacted her like, ‘Hey, we just want to elope, do the very informal I-do’s,’ but she made it so much more than just that,” Jillian recalls of the intimate ceremony held at the downtown Annapolis dock where they took their favorite engagement photo. “I will remember it as our original wedding day forever.”
To distinguish their elopement from their second wedding ceremony, Cannon suggested the couple hold onto their personal vows until 2021 to make that ceremony more meaningful.
“She made a five-person gathering special but kept some things for the big celebration where we could really look forward to that,” Devin says. “They felt like two separate events that intertwined almost seamlessly.”
For Jillian, finally sharing their vows with each other and 135 guests was the highlight of the second ceremony. “That was extremely important and special to me,” she says. “All of our guests complimented us, which in turn was a compliment to her, because they said how much they loved our vows. My mom said she couldn’t actually believe I wrote them.”
Looking back, the Grandes feel that having an expert by their side made their experience special despite—and even because of—the unexpected challenges.
“You dream of your wedding day for so long and then to have such a huge wrench thrown into something . . . it’s hard to imagine what it’s going to look like on the other side,” Jillian says. “Having someone to hold your hand and guide us through this process while letting us be free to express ourselves was key. We would do it a million times over again.”
Similarly, Rabbi Andrew Busch of Baltimore Hebrew Congregation served as a guiding, calming presence for Jackson and Sam Frallicciardi during their wedding on Sept. 11, 2021.
“We knew we wanted a Jewish wedding and a rabbi officiant,” says Jackson. Because their ceremony was before sundown during the Jewish high holidays, they needed an officiant who was willing to accommodate their wedding date. Being married by Sam’s childhood rabbi brought additional meaning to the ceremony.
“Very much a part of us getting married was bringing our communities together,” Sam says. “It made it feel more personal having someone there who knew me, knew our story, knew something a bit more about it than just showing up on the day and talking to us a few times.”
Busch got to know Jackson, as well, through meetings in which they discussed everything from logistics of the day—which parents would be walking them down the aisle, what their Hebrew names are, and whether they would be signing a ketubah, or Jewish marriage contract, before the ceremony—as well as their future as a married couple.
“We are a nontraditional Jewish couple,” explains Jackson, who considers herself culturally Jewish but, unlike Sam, was not raised in the Jewish faith, and she did not celebrate a bat mitzvah. “We don’t totally agree with the traditional ketubah, a lot of it is set in older standards and practices. And he helped us along the way to find the right ketubah that agreed with our relationship.”
Busch also walked Jackson through speaking a few phrases in Hebrew during the ceremony, taking it one word at a time. “It was nice to have that comfort that I wasn’t up there standing in front of everyone making a fool of myself,” she says.
Busch helped the couple create a ceremony that respected their faith and reflected them as a couple. “He allowed us to have our own way, but also include the traditional elements that meant most to us,” Sam says. The approach resonated with their 115 guests, too.
“When you have a religious ceremony, sometimes people who are not of that faith will feel it’s long, drawn out, or because they speak in a different language, they don’t feel as connected,” Jackson says, noting that their rabbi translated the parts of the ceremony in Hebrew for their guests. “But we felt that it was the opposite. We heard from our guests that they loved it.”
The Frallicciardis prove that it’s possible to marry elements of tradition and faith with a unique love story. “Find someone who fits your needs best,” Sam says. “If there are certain prayers or certain things you want out of it most, make sure you find somebody who will align with that.”
Most importantly, couples should think about the feeling they want for the ceremony and choose the most appropriate person, says Lizzie Post, a wedding etiquette author and great-great-granddaughter of Emily Post. “If you’re not particularly tied to a religion, then it really is up to you. Who is going to make you feel most married afterward?”
Says Post, “For some, it’s more meaningful to have a close friend or family member, someone they have known a long time.” But others want that distance, like a justice of the peace or a reverend—someone who feels more official than a family member.
Officiating her friends’ intimate October 2020 wedding was an honor Post was “blown away” to receive. “It’s something that is really special between the three of us now,” she says. “I had a very positive experience, and I would do it again.”
If you do decide to ask a friend or family member, Post advises you offer plenty of notice. “Talk to them long enough in advance that if they decline or say it’s something they’re not comfortable performing, you have time to ask someone else,” she says. “Phrase it as a request, not a demand, and be prepared to graciously accept their decline if it happens.”
If you go with an officiant who doesn’t charge a fee, it’s polite to give a thank-you gift, and to pay for any ordainment fees.
In the end, the best officiant is what’s best for the couple, says Post. “There really is no etiquette that says one is better than the other.”
Couples should think about the feeling they want for the ceremony and choose the most appropriate person, says Lizzie Post.
While they were writing their vows, Cannon’s guidance on where to start and what to include gave the college sweethearts confidence. “She was an amazing person to learn from and made us feel even more connected and loved as we went through the vow-writing process,” Jillian says. “She gave us some good tips on how to write those without losing the crowd but also making them meaningful.”
When the Grandes opted to elope on their original wedding date, with just their parents in attendance, Cannon supported them.
“We contacted her like, ‘Hey, we just want to elope, do the very informal I-do’s,’ but she made it so much more than just that,” Jillian recalls of the intimate ceremony held at the downtown Annapolis dock where they took their favorite engagement photo. “I will remember it as our original wedding day forever.”
To distinguish their elopement from their second wedding ceremony, Cannon suggested the couple hold onto their personal vows until 2021 to make that ceremony more meaningful.
“She made a five-person gathering special but kept some things for the big celebration where we could really look forward to that,” Devin says. “They felt like two separate events that intertwined almost seamlessly.”
For Jillian, finally sharing their vows with each other and 135 guests was the highlight of the second ceremony. “That was extremely important and special to me,” she says. “All of our guests complimented us, which in turn was a compliment to her, because they said how much they loved our vows. My mom said she couldn’t actually believe I wrote them.”
Looking back, the Grandes feel that having an expert by their side made their experience special despite—and even because of—the unexpected challenges.
“You dream of your wedding day for so long and then to have such a huge wrench thrown into something . . . it’s hard to imagine what it’s going to look like on the other side,” Jillian says. “Having someone to hold your hand and guide us through this process while letting us be free to express ourselves was key. We would do it a million times over again.”
Similarly, Rabbi Andrew Busch of Baltimore Hebrew Congregation served as a guiding, calming presence for Jackson and Sam Frallicciardi during their wedding on Sept. 11, 2021.
“We knew we wanted a Jewish wedding and a rabbi officiant,” says Jackson. Because their ceremony was before sundown during the Jewish high holidays, they needed an officiant who was willing to accommodate their wedding date. Being married by Sam’s childhood rabbi brought additional meaning to the ceremony.
“Very much a part of us getting married was bringing our communities together,” Sam says. “It made it feel more personal having someone there who knew me, knew our story, knew something a bit more about it than just showing up on the day and talking to us a few times.”
Busch got to know Jackson, as well, through meetings in which they discussed everything from logistics of the day—which parents would be walking them down the aisle, what their Hebrew names are, and whether they would be signing a ketubah, or Jewish marriage contract, before the ceremony—as well as their future as a married couple.
“We are a nontraditional Jewish couple,” explains Jackson, who considers herself culturally Jewish but, unlike Sam, was not raised in the Jewish faith, and she did not celebrate a bat mitzvah. “We don’t totally agree with the traditional ketubah, a lot of it is set in older standards and practices. And he helped us along the way to find the right ketubah that agreed with our relationship.”
Busch also walked Jackson through speaking a few phrases in Hebrew during the ceremony, taking it one word at a time. “It was nice to have that comfort that I wasn’t up there standing in front of everyone making a fool of myself,” she says.
Busch helped the couple create a ceremony that respected their faith and reflected them as a couple. “He allowed us to have our own way, but also include the traditional elements that meant most to us,” Sam says. The approach resonated with their 115 guests, too.
“When you have a religious ceremony, sometimes people who are not of that faith will feel it’s long, drawn out, or because they speak in a different language, they don’t feel as connected,” Jackson says, noting that their rabbi translated the parts of the ceremony in Hebrew for their guests. “But we felt that it was the opposite. We heard from our guests that they loved it.”
The Frallicciardis prove that it’s possible to marry elements of tradition and faith with a unique love story. “Find someone who fits your needs best,” Sam says. “If there are certain prayers or certain things you want out of it most, make sure you find somebody who will align with that.”
Most importantly, couples should think about the feeling they want for the ceremony and choose the most appropriate person, says Lizzie Post, a wedding etiquette author and great-great-granddaughter of Emily Post. “If you’re not particularly tied to a religion, then it really is up to you. Who is going to make you feel most married afterward?”
Says Post, “For some, it’s more meaningful to have a close friend or family member, someone they have known a long time.” But others want that distance, like a justice of the peace or a reverend—someone who feels more official than a family member.
Officiating her friends’ intimate October 2020 wedding was an honor Post was “blown away” to receive. “It’s something that is really special between the three of us now,” she says. “I had a very positive experience, and I would do it again.”
If you do decide to ask a friend or family member, Post advises you offer plenty of notice. “Talk to them long enough in advance that if they decline or say it’s something they’re not comfortable performing, you have time to ask someone else,” she says. “Phrase it as a request, not a demand, and be prepared to graciously accept their decline if it happens.”
If you go with an officiant who doesn’t charge a fee, it’s polite to give a thank-you gift, and to pay for any ordainment fees.
In the end, the best officiant is what’s best for the couple, says Post. “There really is no etiquette that says one is better than the other.”